Shaq

I don't understand the Lakers, they kept the grumpy one and traded the happy one. Shaq is the shit.

The Miller Lite taste test

Sitting in a bar having a margarita, two very attractive chicas approach me. Obviously they are not approaching me for the reason I want it to be, well maybe not THE reason, but offering a dude free beer is a good consolation. They asked me what I usually drink and I said Coors or Bud light, and never Miller Lite. So, she had poured two cups of rando-beer and had me first smell them and say which one I would rather drink and the miller light did smell better (I could tell which was which) but the Bud Light tasted wayyyy better, and much less like warm vomit. She got mad when I said Miller tastes that way, but whatever, I got free beer from a hot blonde and proved that BL is better than ML

CHANGEEEE

So here I am minding my own business, and a bum asks us for money. OK, this is pretty normal right, yeah, its normal all right but here is the peculiar thing about this bum. He has a glass glass, not a dunkin donuts cup, or a styrofoam cup, but a fucking glass. I hooked him up with half the change in my pocket (never give away all your change you never know when you might need that shit) and told him what he needs to do is get a dunkin donuts cup and say CHANGEEEEEE can you spare some CHANGEEEEEE? so what does he do next you ask? he walks up to people and says it just like I told him, rattling his glass of change saying CHANGEEEEEE! Alright, so we left.

Not even a minute or two later, dude pulls up in a Toyota and offers us a ride home. WTF bitches, you asked me for change and now are in a financial position to give us a ride home in your car? Doesn't add up dude... so we took the ride, and it turns out he has a job, owns a home, and owns a car, married with kids. SWINDLED... WE GOT SWINDLED. Wasn't a bum at all, and he told us his secret... buy your clothes at the thrift sto' or ross, because they are already broken, dont shave, and you can make 80 bucks a night... seriously... fuck... this is my new job from now on, thats like 10 bucks an hour! for saying CHANGEEEEEEEE. 

Good thing I kept the rest of my CHANGEEEEEEE, because I did need it, to give to this genius in his cars ash tray.  And he promised me he would get a dunkin donuts cup for next time. If he doesn't have it next time I see him, I'm gonna punch him in the dick.